Buckle up, because this is going to be a rough one.
November 12, 2020. I decided to change some things to become a better version of myself.
To recalibrate, realign, recenter myself, with the what actually matters, what’s really important.
I’ve tried, tried many times before, but I’ve always faltered; fell short. But this time, I was committed and committed 100%. I knew I could try my best, and I knew that if I keep myself honest, not cheat, or use my mind to convince me otherwise, I could follow through. And I was partially right.
I say partially, because the mind is a fascinating thing. It can ultimately convince you that what you’re doing is acceptable or not so bad, and the more you think about it, the more it seems alright. It’s less of a convincing thing, and more of a “but actually…” kind of thing. And that can lead down some real dark roads. “Conformational bias” or something along those lines.
Anyways, so it’s been exactly a month, and how do I feel?
Honestly, I’m not really sure. Making any kind of change, especially if it is for the “greater good,” is much harder due to the nature of this Earth and the times we find ourselves in. It seems like the odds are always structured to fight us. In a world of consumerism, a world where the more obscene something is, the more it’s accepted, a world where everything is tailored, fabricated specifically to call on your whims and desires, where every niche has a niche, and everything good is scorned and looked down upon. Algorithms to curate, the more you search, the deeper it sucks you in. A tailormade pathway to ultimate destruction. And there is no opt-out. From the second you log on, the moment you replace that blinking vertical line in the search bar with text, the downwards spiral begins. Algorithms for suggested content, for recommendations, ultra-focused on your amygdala. Amygdala hijacking. Provoking a response to something you didn’t even know affected you. From impulse purchases to desensitizing atrocities- it’s all the same to the content company that cares only about watch time and time spent on the site. More time spent=more ads shown.
No one cares if you destroy your inner self in the process. You’re just another number, another point of revenue, another income source. It’s up to you to break free, to break out, to break the chain, and know yourself better than the trained algorithm, knows you. Know what your limits are, and recognise when you’re being pushed past them. Know your weakness, and sense when you’re being exploited. Multi-trillion dollar industries, more data to pool from than ever imaginable, all to target that dopamine pathway. Do NOT be another mindless drone, another product to be bought and sold. Take back what has been stolen from you, take back your innocence, uncorrupt what has become bankrupt. Just as the brilliant brain can learn, it too can unlearn. Break the habits, stop the doom scrolling, the mindless consumption, the mindless content ingestion, the more adventurous queries, making further and further gambles, pushing the bounds of what is okay, until the soul is dark and dead, the heart is hard and cold. It’s not too late, you can still come back. The human being is blessed with the ultimate gift, the thought process. The ability to adjust, to correct, to improve, to rectify.
Find your center, find what truly matters, and stop. Stop destroying what’s pure, what’s true, and change the vulgarity to virtue. It’s not impossible. It is bloody hard, but this is the journey the soul must take for higher aspirations. You may falter, you may wean, but know this- you are never alone. Because wherever you are, there’s always a higher power watching, and if you’re truly committed, the journey will be made easier.
Surely with hardship comes ease.
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